John Cena to be Duke Nukem in a possible movie adaptation? How crazy is this?

Okay, let’s check how young our audience is. Who remembers the Duke Nukem computer video games? I admitted I played them when I was a kid, but that time is long gone. Especially exciting and transgressor was to play the amazing and violent 1996 Duke Nukem 3D, undoubtfully the best game of the saga and the one who gave Duke Nukem the fame it apparently has until nowadays. This video game, following the steps of the pioneers of the first person shooter games Wolfenstein and Doom, was both criticised and adored by its high contents of violence, sex and political incorrectness. The set of catchy mega-macho sentences like “Hail to the king, baby”, shooting cop-pigs squealing as they died, giving dollars to get the strippers flash their boobs to only kick them to death afterwards… everything to do in that game was wrong, with the excuse of an Earth devastated by an alien invasion. But it was fun.

A first movie adaptation for Duke Nukem was in pre-production during the late 1990s. Producer Lawrence Kasanoff was working on a plot to feature aliens invading Duke‘s favorite strip club and from then on the madness is set free. But the movie never got to move any further for numerous reasons, primarily funding problems. Now, the possibility of the Duke Nukem feature film has a second life, in part thanks to Michael Bay trying to pull the strings as a producer.

The Hollywood Reporter were the ones who unleashed this exclusive. Firmer wrestler superstar John Cena is in talks with the producers to incarnate the title character in the speculated Duke Nukem movie. Paramount Pictures is behind the project together with Platinum Dunes, Michael Bay’s company. No director is on board at this stage. A search for a writer will begin soon to develop a script for what is intended to be a starring vehicle for the inexpressive Cena. And yes, this is the most scarying part. Will it be a decent science fiction alien invasion flick, or will it be just an excuse for lots of random and pointless explossions and fights? One thing is for sure, we pretty much should get to the idea that the ultraviolence and political incorrectness will be pretty mild, if not totally scratched out of the picture. Perhaps some sexism and misogyny, the sad blight in dumb action films, but that’s it.

The much I enjoyed the Duke Nukem video games when I was a kid, I think a movie adaptation for those plots and adventures is not a very good idea. And even less with the form the whole thing is taking and the disappointing loads of crap these big productions are happening to be. I honestly hope to be wrong, but if Duke Nukem is going to turn into some sort of Baywatch (2017) meets Transformers, this can be one of the most horrible films of the century. And we already have a good collection of fiascos! I just hope to be wrong.